Joke thread...

[Ancho]

[ametaratsu]

nice

[Old Grizzly]

A man came to the tobacco store and ordered a packet of cigarettes. When the shop assistant gave him one, the man read the health warning on the packet: "Smoking causes the impotence!" He hesitated and then asked the assistant: "Err...can you give me those with the cancer?"

[Ancho]

He wanted his manga to become a household name so badly,
so he called it Bleach.

 

[rampone]

i heard this one a long time ago

so there's a father who's jealous of his daughter because she's spoiled and gets whatever she asks for from her mother (unlike him).

one day the daughter sees a commercial for pantyhose on television so she asks her mom "i want pantyhose" so mom buys her some. later on that night the father cuts them up with scissors

the next day the girl noticies a cat walking outside so she asks her mom " i want a pussy!" so mom buys her one. later on that night the father shaves the cat

the next day the girl sees a donkey on tv so she asks mom " i want an ass!" so mom buys her one.
later on that night the father kicks the donkey out of the window

finally a policeman notices the girl crying on the sidewalk outside of her house so he asks "whats wrong?" she replies "my father cut my pantyhose, shaved my pussy, and kicked my ass out of the window!"

[Old Grizzly]

A skeleton came to the pub and ordered: "A beer and a mop."

[Quade]

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and
gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment
and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles
gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says
very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen
very, very closely:

Are - my - test - results - back?"

[ametaratsu]

ok that made me smile XD

[Quade]

I laughed when I read this one before. Is there any nurse here? Any chances this could happen IRL? XD 

[Old Grizzly]

Let's try to revive the thread:

A riddle:
- It's yellow and it's in a treetop. What is it?
-
- A slatternly tossed down pile of sand.

[Skyfish-Zho]

sure dood, here's mine :

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

 

[Kaiosama]

sure dood, here's mine :

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

 

Superb! Haven't heard that one before.

What did the elephant do in the rain? Get Wet.

[Old Grizzly]

A traveller tells about his experiences:
- "...and there was a bird on that island and the bird laid cube-shaped eggs and spoke."
- "Oh, really? And what did it say?"
- "It said: 'Ouch!'"